Support and words of wisdom have re-vitalized me and okay, maybe confused me also. Thank-you to Dawn, Mark, Sandra, Patti, Shelby, Patricia, Dan (actually called me) and Lauri for your support. It means the world to me.
Mark’s reply has hit me between the eyes: Your dream is calling… your dream is calling…..fear of the unknown masquerades in many ways….
This fatigue [real but what was the cause?] …self pity… etc… I KNOW that spot…and then, by hanging in there [and asking for help, BRAVO] …I had a moment of truth beyond intellect… a moment of naked honesty and really, was left with 2 choices… continue my “socially acceptable” self destructive behavior …..or own the idea that I simply did not know what I truly wanted…..you’re doing great… your honesty here is wonderful and the handmaiden to greatness… so I say again… and live with this….
“are my actions to set up these overwhelming conditions a result of me not listening to my dream that is calling?”