Tag Archives: finding myself

2015 Week 19-Gratitude

I am grateful…so grateful, for my new life.  Thank you!

Each day is a clean slate for me now as I begin each by reaching for my index cards first… even before my glasses!  As the fog starts clearing from my head, my brain begins coming up to speed and gratitude… gratitude… gratitude scanners engage and immediately start scanning through my mind searching for three things I am grateful for.  First time, every time, is how gosh darn cozy our bed is… how cozy our bedroom is!  (Thanks Extraordinary Eileen!  😉  Indoor plumbing is next…use an out-house if you don’t think that’s a huge one…lol… then I’m searching through my mind for which three new ones I will write onto the index cards as I grab my pen.  Through the stack of my cards I flash… 3 Gratitudes… 2 Random Acts of Kindness… 1 Positive Experience… and 1 Accomplishment.  What a way to start a day… reliving all the great moments again and again… scoring and assisting in last weeks hockey game, and again.. and again… I scored from BEHIND the net… I’m making myself smile just thinking about it again now.  🙂

I am making a new habit and I am replacing my old habit with it!  Trading my old bad habit in for new happy, positive, great one…yeah baby!  I’m starting to get that in play.  Train the brain… I am also starting to notice a change in how my mind is working… oh wait.. or is it being more aware of how my mind processes …so freaking amazing!!!  Some mornings I struggle to fill out my cards while other mornings I could do extra cards.  Would that go in line with waking up with a different mood every morning?  “One of nature’s tricks, little understood, that each day I awaken with moods that have changed from yesterday.”  I get that now.  So force start my day with the start that I want. positive and happy, and that way I am able to control what I allow into my waking brain… Awesome!

Put some index cards and a pen on your nightstand!

I Believe!




2015 Week 4-Confusion

Confusion…lack of clarity…overwhelmed…stuck…not knowing what to do…not wanting to do anything.  I know this place way too well…spent way too much time here.

Living…”sitting” with the question;  “What….. Do…. I…. Want?”
*wind blows*… tumble weeds blowing by…a coyote howls in the background…silence.  I know this place.  I’ve been here many, many, many…have I said many… times before.  I can remember all the way back to high school being asked…and not being able to answer, then college…not being able to answer and “taking a year off to figure it” and never returning to college nor ever figuring “it” out.  There is something stuck…blocking me from hearing my dream that is calling.  I don’t get it.  I become anxious as I hear about so many other ‘classmates’ “getting it”…hearing their dreams…why not me???  What am I doing to ‘block’ what is trying to get through to me???  Am I creating the problem that is blocking the solution?  Relax….I can, and have, gotten myself so worked up over this.  But I want the answer now!!!  It’s a process, I hear the guides calming voices saying…enjoy the journey…relax…smile…be happy and in harmony with the universe as it is exactly the way it should be.  Okay…relaxed again.  Enjoy the journey…enjoy the journey…

This past week I did exactly what I wanted to do: drove to Conn. to visit my wonderful wife and then took a train with her to MD. to visit our son and his girlfriend!!!  Immediate thoughts of happiness… freedom… enjoyment… secondary thoughts of guilt for not doing what I was “suppose to do.”  I also came back upon something that was so amazing to me the first time I saw it that I remember swearing to commit it to my focal point of trying to keep it in perspective with my life…and…as you are probably guessing…forgot about it.  Since starting this journey, I have tried to be very focused on what I really want, and when road blocks got in the way of that…I switched to thinking about what I really do not want.  Hey, I figured if I wasn’t able to figure out what I really want, then maybe focusing on what I really do not want might bring about a different perspective to me…and who knows…that might work.  Becoming stronger with my decision making made me reach out, is making me reach out, for ‘tools’ that would help with that growth.  One such ‘tool’ came in the form of a speech from Steve Jobs’ Stanford Commencement Speech in 2005.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

How powerful is that perspective???  I have already made decisions, and will continue to make decisions, by looking in the mirror at myself…looking at the man in the glass and asking: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”

Here’s the whole commencement speech in case you are curious:

To your journey…made you find exactly what you are looking for.