What … Do … You … Want?
Those words echo through my head. Those words have brought fear to me…since even before college. I thought that since I could not decide, I would just start trying everything. Trying everything was great, until… well…have you ever heard the expression “spread a mile wide and an inch thin?” That’s me. Going to blow out somewhere if I keep this pace up. Not proud but I did become aware. I understand now that awareness is the first step to change. I’ll never forget the last time, and it has become the last time I’ll ever tell anyone, as I told my cousins at a wedding, while they were discussing that they had no idea what they wanted to do or to go to college for, “don’t worry I’m 50-something and I still don’t know what I want to do.” I said it to try to ease the stress that seemed to be eating away at them about the decisions they had to be making. Yes, I said the decisions they had to be making. I get it now…God did not put in me the ability to make the right decision every time but he did put in me the ability to make a decision and make it right! Let’s talk about two of my favorite words lately: Awareness Perspective. How unaware was I for the duration of my life of not being a good decision maker…not about making good decisions, I mean about being able to make A decision??? If I couldn’t decide if I wanted blue sneakers or red, how did I think I was going to be able to decide what major I wanted to study in college??? So this awareness was realized last year after I engaged in the MKMMA and I was asked to make a decision about “what… do… you… want?” Now I am on a mission to become a better decision maker and will never pacify anyone again by telling them that it is okay to not make a decision. One might say that my perspective has changed about that and I will tell you that I am pretty darn happy about that.
The “What … Do … You … Want?” question… well…I’m “sitting” with that question and am happy to report that I am making headway on it. You see, I wasn’t so happy with my life and I couldn’t put my finger on why. My incredible wife, who is so positive and upbeat, God’s blessing to me, witnessed the decay of my mindset…I was turning into one of those nasty, negative, crusty old men who bitch and complain about everything and bark at the wind. Yikes!??? I have an incredible wife, two amazing children, an awesome dog, the house we wanted that I designed on a 20 acre lot sitting next to a babbling brook stocked with trout…seriously…can I make this up??? I pretty much had…have… it all. Why would I be, how could I be so unhappy, so negative, so unfulfilled? Eileen, my incredible wife, had already been moved away from me because of her job, we have only been able to be together every other weekend or so for the last 4 years. Then I had a scare. Some heart issues arose. Let’s just say that I am taking it as a sign that Someone was trying to get my attention. It worked! I began starting my mornings walking around barefoot in the grass, enjoying the dawn of a new day, appreciating being alive and all the nature and beauty around me, hugging trees and sitting in various places meditating…praying. Then I was exposed to something that, well, was the perfect thing at the perfect time. It brought me on my journey to where I am today. I would like to share it with you and hope that it is the perfect thing at the perfect time for you:
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