Week 24 – The Silence

3 Days 1 Focus = It’s All About Me

Accountability partners…God bless them. For me, that is Rich Finley…God bless you Rich. From tricking me into doing a 30 minute ‘sit’ with you to downright calling me out into a 3-day ‘sit’ with you, thank you from the bottom of my heart my friend. I probably would have never done the 3-day ‘sit’ without you calling the days.

While others fled their chaos seeking their Silence, I became acutely aware of how fortunate I am to be where I am. Inside 23 acres, next to a babbling brook, half in and half out of the woods, I did not have to go anywhere to find my quiet spot. How lucky am I that I am living in it! I did have to prepare though, to “disconnect” from the chatter of the world, unplugging my land line from the phone interconnect box outside my house so no telephone, unplugging the internet so no internet, and I was going to unplug the dish… but no worries…not tempted to turn on any of the outside world. Moved the vehicles around so it did not look like I was home…and viola…3 days of me in my wonderful environment disconnected from everything and everyone! (I get excited all over again just writing about it 😉 )

As I settled down, the voices in my head tried to get some attention. The ‘noise’ coming from inside my head…The “I was suppose to…Why didn’t I… I should have…” It took a bit to shut down the babble in my head of everything I should be doing, could be doing, what I suppose to be doing. Stop it…months of training have taught me how to “sit”…how to turn on and off the what I should be thinking of…or not thinking of…clear your mind Richard!  Shut all that out…turn it all off… breathe…relax… concentrate …on your breath…and then… all-of-a-sudden… wait…. what… what is that?   S i l e n c e !   Holy crap…it’s, it’s amazing. I don’t hear anything…quiet…silence…I am starting to feel so relaxed…so peaceful…like the time I was at the beach…the sun is drenching me in her rays…I am sitting in my spot upstairs in my rocking chair in the big windows looking out over the beautiful white snow covering our front yard and the sun is really drenching me in her rays. I close my eyes and return to the beach…I can hear the waves crashing and the seagulls crying. I’m young…on a mission to dig this huge hole…my mom and sister there with me…I don’t know if I slipped to sleep or I was in such a state of bliss…nirvana…it didn’t matter. Most of the first day and a half went something like that. I explored different areas of the house, from the front deck in the sun to the den, like in the darkness of the night, each brought me to different places in my mind. I love the stump across the brook as close as I could get to hear the babbling as loud as I could. I thought that I could almost make out voices from it. Like someone is speaking to me…trying to get me to hear them…but I just can’t make out what they are saying. Then, all-of-a-sudden…what should I be doing I think. Maybe I could be trying to hear my dream that is calling. And then, like a shining guiding star I hear “Focus Danielson…FOCUS!” Mark J’s enthusiasm saying that makes me smile. I realize that I could continue to bask in this relaxation AND try to hear my dream that is calling! Suddenly flashes of light are appearing and fading in my mind. Small pictures that look so far away in my minds eye become brighter and fade away. I can’t quite make them out and wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me. Then, from Ralph Waldo Emerson 1841 “Self-Reliance”… “A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within…” Wait…what? Serious…what is going on??? Too many things are happening that are…I don’t know how to explain. What does the gleam of light mean? I am propelled into a whole new series of questions and a path in a new direction. I am concentrating on a new game plan…I am going to think about problems and issues that I am currently having and see if solutions surface. From smaller issues like how to respond to someone and try to guide them, to larger issues, like what do I want to do with my life?…I can ask them all…and I do. I gather a few clipboards and arm them with paper as I know that I am going to have a need to write what is coming to me to make sure that I do not miss a thought. A dozen pages of notes I have reviewed many times already and it brings a smile to my face each time I read through them. What a worthy reward for just the few days committed.

Well…my three long days turned into only two more days and as the last day wound down, I could feel tension…anxiety…stress…all the “noise” …aw man wait a minute…I know what that is…it’s all the CEMENT trying to get back onto me. I ignored it the best I could, giving it no power, as I wanted to grab every minute I could and stay engaged with a part of me that I don’t visit with enough. The problem solving me! The thinking me…I just need some quiet…some concentration… so that I can make some decisions that I need to make. “I understand that God did not put in me the ability to always make right decisions. He did, however, put in me the ability to ‘make’ a decision and then ‘make it right.'” There is this dimension of me that I have been away from for too long. The problem-solving me. The thinking me. I am blessed to have been able to be reacquainted with this “person.” I look forward to spending time, silence and solving problems with him again. My wish is for you to experience what I have. Together we can all change the world.

Believe

 

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6 thoughts on “Week 24 – The Silence

  1. Patricia

    Thank you for a great post and also for giving us a glimpse into the person you have become after 6 months in MKMMA. Best wishes and continued success on the journey.

    Reply

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