So… I decided to make a commitment…to myself, for myself. Then…everything started happening…and not in a good way!!!??? I sit…I think…I relax… I ponder… Am I responsible for what happens to me? Is my old blueprint that strong…that ruthless…that powerful, to really create the situations that are happening to me in an attempt to keep me…or delay me, from following my heart and creating my new blueprint…recreating myself?
I become anxious. I want change…I want things to change faster than they are… but, I must practice the art of patience for nature acts never in haste. Its hard when you make it a step forward and then it feels like you slide back three. Sometimes I wonder what’s the use? It feels like the chips are stacked against me….but it’s the little wins that keep me going. It’s my future self that won’t let me quit. I know in my heart that this is what I must do. I have come too far to not stay committed to this journey.
I have re-engaged with trying to figure out what I want. I can still hear Mark…. What Do You Want? It’s hard. It’s even harder to get my Definite Major Purpose into words…again. Have you ever wanted something so much and everything you do seems to push that which you want further away? *sigh* It can only last so long…the resistance. Sooner or later somethings gotta give….and I’m too valuable…my future self is too valuable to give up at this point. Back to my reads, my sits and my cards… Looking for that next bit of sunshine…next bit of shining gold to peak out from under the cement and boost me again.