2017-Week11-Relief

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah….

YES!!!!!  Yeah BABY!!!

Did it!  Done! …Finally!!! … I can answer Mark J’s echoing question in my head:

WHAT          DO          YOU          WANT?

It feels amazing to complete something that I wanted to know… just never was able to.  To answer a question that seems so darn easy to answer… yet…I hadn’t.  I didn’t think I could.

It goes back to high school for me… my father asking me… my guidance counselor asking me… wait *thinking*  …What kind of guidance counselor does not help a student figure out  SQUIRREL! …Negative thought… brush it away like the burning ember that just popped out of the wood stove onto me…phew…no harm done…

How could I live my life with no direction?  Why am I here?  WHAT DO I WANT?

Deepest heartfelt thanks and gratitude go to The Terrific Terry, my Guide, who hung with me and guided me to find my Definite Major Purpose.  It feels as if a weight has been lifted off of me.  I now know WHAT   I   WANT!  Almost two years ago I walked out of an attorney’s office in Florida freeing myself from what became torment from my 30-year career… completing my DMP (Definite Major Purpose) …being told from my guide: Congratulations, it is done… brings back that same feeling of deep relief I had that day 2 years ago!  *wait… as I bask in this feeling again…. It feels so good … I am so grateful… life is so awesome!*

I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

 

2017Week10-Geesh

Yup….Geeeesh!

I powered through another revision of my DMP this week.  It was a struggle to say the least… but as I said before, and I will make it my new subconscious habit to finish what I start… Especially something as important as ME! …and my future me.

I came across something that helped me understand…hear it again…put in someone else’s words…different awareness…perspective, that I want to at least put here for safe keeping:

Something….someone I have been studying for years now…

Hopefully I am close to closing the chapter on my DMP for this year… It has taken not only A LOT of time but it has also taken a lot of my energy…mentally…anyway.

2017 Week09-Hammering

My focus is still on my DMP.  Yes…still there.

For too long I ignored what my heart tried to tell me that it… that I wanted…and I believe now that I will have to pay an even heavier/higher price.  …Challenge accepted!!!

I will not allow the red pencil, the cement, my old blueprint or any other obstacle to get in the way of creating, getting my DMP down on paper.  I welcome obstacles for they are my challenge!!!  I weigh back and forth of the importance of this one important factor and will not let the fate of my future self be entangled in my past habits.  My past habits allowed me to put this off…not understanding the true long-term repercussions of what not deciding what I really wanted was doing to me!!!  …and now…all-of-a-sudden…I know!  Holy crap!

My light scares the crap out of me…yet…I am no longer comfortable not letting it shine.  I am aware now that by not letting it shine…I am being selfish.  God has given me a gift…and if I am not willing to share it…what is the sense of me being here?

So…back to the drawing…. the DMP board.  I want to have that clear picture… that clear blueprint, my NEW blueprint clear as a lighthouse spot beam focused on exactly what I want so that the universe, that part of my mind that acts in ways I do not understand, will bring forth that which I want.

Yup… I know…I’m rambling.  Struggling.  Becoming aware.  Taking action.  Staying true to finding out what I really want so I can start creating my future self that will blow my old self away.  I’ve already had a taste of what it could be like and I want more… I want it all!  I won’t be satisfied until all the cement is gone and my gold self shines so brightly that it will allow others to do the same!

2017Week08-Tweak

Tweak… I love that word much better than redo!  I changed a PPN…oh the misery of justifying letting go of Helping Others!!!  Wait…not letting go of Helping Others, more of just letting it slid from number 2 position to number 3 position while I slide Recognition for Creative Expression from number 3 position to number 2 position. ***Oh listen to those judgemental voices in my head going crazy… how can you do that???  You are going to put your own being recognized in front of helping others???  What a selfish person you are!!!  That’s not very God-like….  I thought you said you that you follow His word???  That’s not right to put yourself in front of others…. okay Okay OKAY!!!   ENOUGH with the voices!!!  Cement?  Old Blueprint?  What…where is all that coming from???

Yes… I am sorry.  (Why do I say that I am sorry?)  I want to be recognized!  There!  I said it.  Whether it’s just a hug…wait…it’s not just a hug…hugs are AWESOME!!!!  Whether it is a hug…or seeing myself on TV… I want that!  I want to make a difference…a HUGE difference in this world!!!  I want to change the way EVERYONE handles their finances, thinks about their finances, creates their finances!  I’m saddened by the fact that so many people do not have enough self-esteem to believe they are entitled to anything other than the misery of going to work to a job they hate to make money that is already all spent until they die.  I can be that difference in someones life IF they will allow me to and IF they really want it and…here is the huge IF I have just recently become aware of… IF they are willing to do what they need to do to get it!!!  SO MANY people are not wiling to do that and that makes me even more sad.  They’ve just given up…no hope…no reason to live?

People have become sheeple.  It’s no wonder we are the way we are as a society.  All the cement.  All the training and manipulating.  Every person is a miracle of their own, why can’t they see that anymore?  While I can not get to every person, I’m going to start to identify those that still have at least a spark of hope left in them and kindle that spark into a flame.  I will be the change that I want to see in the world.  I will be recognized for doing so and that will be one of my rewards.  …and recognized to me means that either a hug from a person that will look me in the eye so that I can see in their eyes to the bottom of their soul their gratitude… to being called up on stage in front of millions… but…thinking about this… that hug weighs much more to me than the stage!

2017-Week07-PPN’s

PPN’s …Personal Pivotal Needs.

It’s amazing how when you change the way you look at things…the things you look at change.  Then…out of nowhere…something clicks… snaps… connects… and then everything changes again!

Point?  I’m back reviewing my PPN’s.  What has become my new focus… down the path a little further… and then more changes…  I LOVE IT!  My new freedom…. ooooo…. epiphany… I have always been free…. I just chose to not act that way…then!  My new freedom is allowing me to figure out my new path and “What    Do    I     Want?”

PPN’s …Personal Pivotal Needs:

Legacy:  Opportunities to effectively share my life’s work, both in dollars and in substance.

Spiritual Growth:  Increasing in knowledge and understanding of God’s word, life-long journey that occurs through reading and applying God’s word to my life.

Autonomy:  Freedom from external control or influence; independent choices, self-governing.

Liberty:  Immunity from debt, IRS independence, freedom of choice; to think or feel or do just as I please; personal freedom from servitude or confinement or oppression.

Helping Others:  World goodness, contributing, making a difference in society, give utopia on earth to others.

Recognition for Creative Expression:  Recognized or acknowledged for achievements, honored, remembered, cherished, endowed with greatness.

True Health:  Energy for living, fit and healthy, sound mind, interactions with others, relationships, relaxation, strong immune system, healthy lifestyle.

2017-Week06-Shifts

Something inside me is going on.  I feel different, yet the same.  Ill, yet not.  What is going on?  I can’t explain the shift…the shifts…going on inside me.  It is alien to me…I am alien to me.  I think it’s the new person that I am becoming is being attacked by the old person I was.  I think it is referred to as my old blueprint…trying to hang onto the old me…who I am used to….whom I know.  I’m so full of emotions…crying, laughing, sorrow, happiness, excited, scared…even sitting still…while on the outside I do not move, it’s like I can feel the processes inside me…breathing, blood flowing, heart beating, thoughts, feelings…there are times I do not know who I am, what is going on, where is me???  Where did I go?  Overwhelmed  OVERWHELMING….LET ME GO….LET GO OF ME!!!!

I think this all is scaring me…no…this all is scaring me.  I step away from what I was doing… what was I doing?  Reading..writing…spending time and focusing on me…  Trying to let my light shine.  I think that honestly horrifies me.  Nope…I know it does.  It horrifies me… I have been shrinking myself for so long… too long!  It’s my light that horrifies me…like that child that catches that first fish and has no idea what to do with it after it’s on the line…  What am I pretending not to know?  Why am I holding myself back?  Why am I so horrified with what I know is going to happen???  What am I so horrified about??? Part of me is so excited and can see the future me…and then there is a part of me that…that…I don’t even know how to explain it…is holding me back…tells me to be grateful for what I have and accept it for being enough….

2017-Week05-What the…?

Well, the old me would have gone off an a rant about this past week…

I accept the fact that the universe is exactly the way it is suppose to be.  So everything that happened to me the last ten days…well…it is exactly as it should be.

Let’s just say that I welcome obstacles…for they are my challenge.  Each day I will be tested, tested on what I am learning…tested on how I am growing as a person…tested on how I am manifesting my new blueprint…my new me!

I understand now that I am the one that controls me.  I choose to look at the glass half full.  I choose to focus on what I have and to be grateful for what I have…rather than what I do not.

Today I begin my new life.

2017-Week04:Focus

Focus brings about awareness… awareness brings about perspective.  Yes, my favorite words again for the last few years…yet, I always seem to be amazed by them.

This week I focused…really focused on the question that is always bouncing around in my head: WHAT     DO     I    WANT?    I had a thought… What if someone wants to give me EXACTLY what I want…AND they asked me…AND I could not answer them>???  The magic genie in the bottle 😉  How sad that would be…  It reminds me of the joke that this person keeps praying to God to win the lottery…months and months and years go by…becoming so frustrated with God and their prayers not being answered, they reach out and blatantly ask God, why are you not answering my prayers?  He answers…would you at least buy a lottery ticket.

Have I bought my lottery ticket?  Why am I here?  What is my gift?  What Do I Want?

I believe the meaning of life is to find your gift…the purpose…to give it away.  I believe that I have found my gift: I am a great numbers and finance and strategy person.  People like talking with me…so I believe I am a people person.  I absolutely LOVE Helping Others!  I grew up not following “THE” path because it was “THE” path…I questioned…I question everything.  I accept now that if something does not make sense to me…and I can not learn or make sense of it, I don’t continue or pursue it.  This has served me well.  Did Mark Twain say that common sense is not so common?

I am winning the battle of putting into words WHAT I WANT.  A Godsend into my life is my guide Terry.  He made me ‘aware’ that “What I Want” needs to be put into clear understandable language so that I can begin construction on my ‘project’…my new me!  It became very clear to me this week of how negligent I have been to focus on what I want.  Also very clear to me of how my old blueprint is fighting against me trying to create my new me…my new future self.  Og says it best, “I have surrendered my free will to the years of accumulated habits and the past deeds of my life have already marked out a path which threatens to imprison my future.”

NOT ON MY WATCH!

“I will walk tall among men and they will know me not, for today I am a new man, with a new life.”

 

2017Week03-Guidance

Big shout out to Terrific Terry who took time to MasterMind with me! I just submitted another DMP version after our MasterMind session reloaded my brain with a little different approach of thinking of things…Thanks Terry.  …oh wait, maybe I should wait to see if my DMP is closer or further 😉

My life is still AWESOME!!!  Enjoying my days and taking time to be a grateful receiver of the gifts that surround me, noticing nature, kindnesses, smiles, and compliments!  I am learning and taking action with how to react to life’s little tests…catching myself laughing at situations that just awhile ago I would have totally lost it…flipped out!  There is a certain calmness…in harmony maybe…with just following my heart.  Guilt does try to creep in along with the red pencil…but…not on my watch!!!  I do too many things right…and… the universe is exactly the way it is suppose to be….so who am I?  I am Rip Yegerman… and I am letting my light shine!  You gotta know me to know what a big deal that is!!!???  I got that video ….here …and every time I play it, well, it just gets me.  He can look me square in the eye and tell me just the way it is.  I shrunk…that was a huge deal for me.  I love the new feelings I get and I’m not out for anything more, or less, than just the feeling of knowing I am following my heart.

I wish you all to partake in the harmony, peace and love I feel this week.

Believe!

Gratefully,

Rip

 

2017-Week02-WTH?

So… I decided to make a commitment…to myself, for myself.  Then…everything started happening…and not in a good way!!!???  I sit…I think…I relax… I ponder… Am I responsible for what happens to me?  Is my old blueprint that strong…that ruthless…that powerful, to really create the situations that are happening to me in an attempt to keep me…or delay me, from following my heart and creating my new blueprint…recreating myself?

I become anxious.  I want change…I want things to change faster than they are… but, I must practice the art of patience for nature acts never in haste.  Its hard when you make it a step forward and then it feels like you slide back three.  Sometimes I wonder what’s the use?  It feels like the chips are stacked against me….but it’s the little wins that keep me going.  It’s my future self that won’t let me quit.  I know in my heart that this is what I must do.  I have come too far to not stay committed to this journey.

I have re-engaged with trying to figure out what I want.  I can still hear Mark…. What    Do    You    Want?  It’s hard.  It’s even harder to get my Definite Major Purpose into words…again.  Have you ever wanted something so much and everything you do seems to push that which you want further away?  *sigh*  It can only last so long…the resistance.  Sooner or later somethings gotta give….and I’m too valuable…my future self is too valuable to give up at this point.  Back to my reads, my sits and my cards…  Looking for that next bit of sunshine…next bit of shining gold to peak out from under the cement and boost me again.